Hitting rock bottom…

I’ve never really understood this phrase. What exactly is hitting rock bottom?
I couldn’t ever fathom a person being so upset with their life all the time. I never knew what it was like to be so down in the dumps that you couldn’t even remember how to fake a smile. I couldn’t imagine being so upset that you couldn’t leave your bed.
Until it was me.
Early February last year, my sweet uncle passed away. Sometimes it’s still tough when I remind myself that his physical presence will never be here for as long as I live. I know I was “just the niece” as some would say, and I wasn’t near as close to him as some others. But, the pain was there. And it genuinely hurt me, to the point that I hit rock bottom.
Within a span of two semesters, my GPA dropped from a 4.0 to a 3.2. I’m unashamed to announce this publicly because I know everything I was going through that caused this.
I made three Cs. My first Cs ever in my life.
I slept half the day away, if not more.
I cried, and cried often.
And I even reached the point where my mom and stepdad drove four hours and back at noon on a Sunday because they were so worried about me. My mom would check on me every single day, reminding myself not to take too much AdvilPM just based on the fact that I would sleep and sleep and sleep for hours.
Somewhere in between the break, I learned that I was just unhappy with a lot of things within my life. And in order to be happy, I decided it would be good to change my entire life. Literally. Because if I wasn’t happy with the life I was living, maybe I would be with my new life.
1. After being completely herbivorous, I decided to become vegan. For those of you who don’t know, veganism is abstaining from animal products. This means no milk, no eggs, no meat, no meat-based broth or stock, no honey.
Today, I have been vegan for over a month (with three cheat days total). It’s hard and sometimes I really want to give up. But I keep pushing because I will not let something as small as my diet to defeat me.
I feel the healthiest, most energetic I have ever felt.
2. I’ve finally agreed to forming my own opinions. I’ve educated myself on the world around us. I’ve learned about events such as NODAPL; I’ve learned about the environmental conditions; I’ve learned about animal cruelty; I’ve learned about inequalities across the U.S. and even the world.
And I’ve never felt so content in who I am being politically. I’ve never felt so relieved to not just have a flaming ball of hate and judgment within me.
3. Randomly, the night before the deadline, I applied for a job at the campus newspaper. The following morning I got an email for an interview.
The girl I was assigned to sit by in my journalism news writing class happened to write for the campus newspaper so she took me in ahead of time to meet the guy I would interview with. It turns out that this guy is the same guy I sat next to and quietly collaborated with on quizzes in global journalism.
I went in for my interview and it wasn’t even an interview – but a job offer. Since February 8, I have written nine published stories and am probably in the newsroom more than half of the staff.
4. More recently, I decided to make a blog – a blog of opinions, a blog of life experiences, a blog of my photography.
This right here is it and I feel it’s been pretty successful. It’s not even been a full month and I’ve had views from nine different countries across the world.
It’s my happy place to be able to sit and write about the things that make me happy.
5. The most important change I have made, however, is to rely on God more – to grow more in my faith.
I’m now fairly involved with the church I attend and fairly involved with my Gospel Community. I’ve also began a weekly Bible study with one of my friends.
Last semester, I decided to apply for some church camps. For one, I didn’t even finish the application because I had been so caught up. One day they emailed me telling me to finish my application so they can get back to me for an interview if they were interested.
Three days ago I interviewed. Today I was hired to work at this camp in New Mexico for all of summer 2017.
If you had asked me a year ago what I thought my life would look like, it would have been nothing similar to anything described and I’m really thankful for who I am in-the-works.
I give all glory to God for improving my life in such a short span of time – some people take years to get out of their rock bottom.
My point right now isn’t to brag to you about how great my life is. It’s pretty great to me. I feel relaxed. I feel peaceful. I feel at ease. Most importantly, I feel happy – so incredibly happy.
But here is what my point is:
there is hope.
Do not give up on yourself. Do not think it is over.
As cliche as it may sound, sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can truly appreciate the good aspects of your life to the full extent that you should.
You can never stray too far from God that He won’t help you. You can never be so far down that you will not be lifted back up. You will never be in such a dark place that light can’t reach it. It’s just not possible.
I encourage you if you’re at the point where you do not believe that you can be happy in the life you’re currently living. Do change it up a bit. Take on new opportunities and fully take advantage of what the world has to offer you. There is so much more than Fort Worth, Texas; Lubbock, Texas; Weatherford, Texas – wherever you are.
Venture out and turn yourself into the person you want to be.
Change your diet. Work out. Build a healthier body. Take a road trip to a place you’ve always wanted to go. Take up a new hobby. Educate yourself on topics you don’t know much about. Pray – pray a lot. Take a break for once. Take some classes. Volunteer. Go to church. Make new friends. Find a happy place. Read new books. Listen to a different genre of music. Study the Bible. Whatever you think you have to do, do it. Please do it.
You only have one life. Don’t waste it away by being unhappy.

 

Isaiah 46:4//Brandi Addison

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